Posted on

Living in Dreams

For those who know me you know I am a dreamer. Not just dreaming of the future when I’m awake, but like clockwork every night when I go to sleep I start dreaming all night long. It feels at times like living in two realities. The real one when I’m awake, and the one in my dreams. Yes, it does get kind of confusing sometimes, but I’m really not crazy. Least not that crazy. Ok, I’m a little crazy, but my dreams aren’t always like living in a horror movie or psycho like (only sometimes). I kid, most of my dreams tend to be based on a grounded reality. Related to things that I am dealing with in a normal life, and hoping for in my future.

As of late my dreams have been very pleasant. So pleasant in fact that real life has been feeling like a drag, and all I’ve wanted to do is go back to sleep so I can live in my second reality. It’s been a struggle every morning dragging myself out of bed. I’m the first to admit the challenge of life, the challenge of just getting up in the morning, but this has been a different ordeal. I’m not really tired. I’m just under so much pressure, and I’d rather just live in my alternate reality of pleasant dreams, but I have pressed on. “Dragged on” might be a better way to phrase it. It feels like the weight of the world on my shoulders when my hopes and dreams seem so far away, but let me tell you about the week I’ve had. I’ve been put in on average 15 hours a day this week. Between work, workouts, and my own projects its a lot. I was ready for the week to be over on Tuesday. I had people coming down on me about my work when I’m doing the best job I can. And I had (still have) so much work to be done. This was not the week to want to be a lazy quitter.

This week I taught a demo for BodyCombat on top of my regular teaching schedule, plus subbing extra classes. Then I’ve done 4 video shoots (2 more to go) for work. Between shooting interviews and getting awesome shots I also participate in the Firefighter Stairclimb charity event at our gym, which I got to help put together and produce video for (video is below if you want to check that out). And next week I’m going on a work trip (ok, maybe it’s only 5 hours away, but still something really cool about being sent out of town for work). It’s like you know you made it somewhere when your job has you traveling on business trips.

It’s amazing what my life has become. To think a few years ago I was going to college still with no clue what I would be when I grew up, and now I’ve decided not to ever grow up, but right now just enjoy the crazy, and learn everything I can in a chaotic awesome job. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, and creative mind. I wanted to make movies since I was in 7th grade when my friends and I attempted to make our first movie (notice the word “attempted”). Now 12 years later I am getting paid to producing video content. This is truly a dream come true. Beyond the video I am also learning so many valuable skills. A year ago I was still working at Pizza Hut, and I thought being a delivery drive was tough. And it was a lot of work, and I did what I always do by giving it everything I got. I had no idea working full time and dealing with people how tough work can be, but it is so worth it now.

While on occasion I am ready to throw in the towel, and just call it all off, I’m not gonna. If I walked away from this opportunity it would be the dumbest move of my life, because I have been called by God to do great things, and right now I know I’m exactly where I belong. Even when things get tough. No, especially when things get tough it teaches me how to endure, and how to take initiative. How to grow. I am amazed by what God is doing in my life, and how he’s transforming me. The who and the how I live is what he’s repurposing, and he’s showing me how to be a great man. A man of passion, discipline, challenge, and drive. Never giving up, but accepting the areas where I am weak, and learning to grow in them.

Like in the Stairclimb event I didn’t give up. I may not have beaten the firefighter’s time (those guys are amazing btw), but I did go the distance. Not just because I’m a fitness instructor did I feel obligated to go the full distance. I can’t quit because I am glorifying God, and who he’s made, and making me to be. It’s the accomplishment that makes me feel strong, but its proof of what God has allowed me to do, and the strength he gives me. So as I woke up this morning I am not feeling like going back to sleep, and back to my dream reality, but I feel like making my reality how I dream it to be. Changing myself, and changing the world. Call me crazy, but I believe the world can change, and I know I am meant to be part of changing it.

Here’s God open a new chapter in my life. I can’t wait to see what will happen next!

StairclimbDuring

StairclimbAfter

Posted on

Blessed Pain

Since the beginning of the year my life has been a string of defining moments. Opportunities to redefine the way I live and think. In my choosing to be a better man in the new year it has not been without it’s challenges and need to overcome them very frequently. This Sunday was no exception. Healing service in Church and I was miraculously not healed. Now Friday I look forward to a very exciting medical proceeder due to my disorder (nothing major, just a routinely needed examination of my innards) and over the weekend of healings for many others I had nothing special happen to me at all. Now before you go saying “How does this define you? This just sounds dreadfully boring.” I must explain. Backstory GO!

Since I was very young, about 10, I got really sick with this disorder that is known as Ulcerative Colitis (bleeding of the intestinal track if you care about the details. Usually caused by stress, certain foods, or too much of a strenuous life style). I had it flare up again when I was 13. Again when I was 18. Again when I was 21. And again when I was 23. And truth be told those are the worst occasions when I was in so much pain I could hardly move. I’ve honestly never fully healed. The pain and symptoms are always there to a degree. My bowels never cooperate like they are supposed to. It’s been what I considered a curse for a very long time, but at 23 that was the most important occurrence when I was old enough to realize I had to take responsibility for this. It is something I’ll probably have to deal with the rest of my life and so I began to really put into effect a healthier, stronger, and more faith driven way of life.

Previous to the last incident I got involved at a gym as a fitness instructor (that is a long story for another time) and also into the greatest church ever (seriously, Garden Assembly. Best. Church. Ever. I’d argue that). So between these two walks of life I grew stronger physically, mentally, and spiritually. I developed healthy habits. I developed a faith, and a real trust in God. Also new understandings. I became less stressed (although I stepped into a much more strenuous life style). So many people I’ve heard from who have UC can’t handle stress of any kind, yet for me with God I do the impossible. I teach fitness classes regularly, and am pushed to my limits on a regular basis in a very busy and chaotic life. Now its not 100 percent. Nor am I. I could probably live healthier, less stressed, or less chaotic, but truth me told I deal with life as it comes. All the chaos and all the pain and living still doesn’t defeats me. This pain has inspired my life, and made me stronger in so many ways, and I can’t imagine it’s done doing so.

So back to the present! This past weekend was amazing. People getting miraculously healed. So many people were talking, and saying how they could now do what they thought was impossible, but not me. My gut still hurts. My pain is still there. Now don’t you dare pity me. For this is not a curse on my life. This is a blessing. This is my blessing. Though I might have considered it a curse myself it makes me stronger. It keeps me at the top of my game. It keeps me living healthy and living faithful, because when I do I feel strong even with it. It is a miracle in itself to be doing what I am doing with such a thing present. I am doing the impossible.

For anyone who’s seen the movie Amazing Grace or knows of the historical figure William Wilberforce they would probably know of his efforts and succession in abolishing the slave trade, and his efforts to changing the culture of his time. He also has colitis, but he strived to changed the world anyway. So shall I strive, and so shall I likely be in pain. If that’s not inspiration I don’t know what is. So when I say I wasn’t healed I mean to say I wasn’t healed so I could understand that my pain is what really defines me. It makes my life an inspiration. I can say I’m challenged and I overcome. Though it is painful I would not do without it because it brings glory to God. I have been so blessed in my life. I have been given a perspective and understanding that is unique to the world. And I believe that if I can do the impossible, and live with this pain. Then I can also change the world.

“We are too young to realize that certain things are impossible… So we will do them anyway.”
-William Wilberforce